Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sex drive

To hold hands, to pull her in close with an arm around her waist, with palm on the rise of her hip, to look into her eyes, to kiss her on the neck below the ear and make her giggle and hold tighter, to kiss her on the lips with a smile, to undress, to run a hand over her back, to make love with abandon. A sexual fantasy.
I remember reading this article about thought patterns. The author classified thought patterns into age groups. The age group from 35-50 or so had job, debts, children etc as the major parts involved in their thought process (around 30% each) and around 10% for sex. In the age group 18-30, the author just divided the pie chart into sex 90% and other 10%. I am not sure if a gender split would have made a difference but I guess the sex drive is greater in men than in women (most single guys fantasize/masturbate more frequently than single girls).
At the risk of over generalization, in guys its more like a hump that piece of ass and maybe get to know after urge while in girls its kind of in reverse - get to know that piece of ass and then hump. Or in other words, the basis of a relationship is more physical in guys than in girls. Now that leads to a problem. If you are a guy, you will have to put in time and work for getting laid. If you are a girl, you have to be content that the guy just wants to get in your pants and maybe have a meaningful conversation later on.
I am basing the lower sex drive for girls on how a romantic relationship is usually initiated by the guy rather than the girl (but you can go here for a scientific treatment on sex drive gender split http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/baumeistercatanesevohs2001.pdf). I guess guys don't have as many things to weigh before they initiate romance while girls do. I read an article about causes of infidelity and why there could be an anthropological 'spreading the seed' reason for guys to go around, well, spreading their seed rather than sticking to a single partner. The author is smart enough to disclaim in the beginning that that is not an excuse to cheat, but I guess lots of guys do use that excuse now. If that is true, that is spreading the seed being one of the biological drives for men and not women, maybe thats the reason why men have a greater sex drive and not as much of a stringency in choosing a sexual partner. On the other hand, the risk/responsibility involved in sex is kind of skewed negatively toward women as they are the ones that carry the child. Hence they need to choose their partner carefully to share the responsibility. So getting to know that the piece of ass also earns a lot and is responsible is important for women. Of course it shouldn't matter now with contraceptives and more sexual freedom, but the thing is so deeply ingrained in us that we do follow the same pattern even now. Guys initiate; whether that be a ping on MSN or a date for dinner, the onus is usually on the male rather than the female. And the girls, they act pricey, test the waters carefully, study the guy over a long period and finally make a decision leading to a steady relationship - if the guy hasn't blown his head off or become a yogi foregoing all material attachments including that of the flesh.

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